Rollercoaster... of love.
Brief update before I jump in...
1) Holidays, good, very nice in fact.
2) Life, also good, busy like everyone else, but exciting
3) Cats, hanging in there.
So, I'll start with #3, because there was a very nice request for an update.
Ronin has given us a real interesting time of it. We took him in to the doctor in December and the doctor happily proclaimed that Ronin seemed to have stablized. We danced, we sang, we held him over our heads like baby Simba in the Lion King.
Enter January. Let's see, first we had a little bulging. Not good, I called, they said that it was probably nothing, but to keep an eye on it. The following week, I noticed a serious amount of discharge from the bad eye. It was bad-looking, brown, and copious. I called in an absolute panic to the kitty eye-doctor and paged the doctor at about 1 in the morning. He told us to bring him in first thing in the morning, and we would leave him all day because the doctor had no openings, so he'd squeeze Ronin in, in-between appointments. Pricetag=oof. All told, after the day they basically said that the discharge was nothing, however... there's always a but...
They told us essentially that his eye had lost almost all of his sight. The bulge the week before was probably what did it. They told us that even a spike of a COUPLE OF HOURS could do it at this point. It's just the way it goes. And that's how it went.
He said that we'd go another month, and we'd see at that point what the deal is. For Ronin, he's not really all that old, he's 11, he could have several good years left, so it's a matter of making sure that he's not in pain. And what I've noticed now is that I really can tell when he's feeling it. He gets really mopey, wheras generally he's pretty in our faces. If he's not, then I know that he's feeling some pain. I think the worst thing about it is that it has been described to us as being TERRIBLY painful, so just knowing that makes it just that much harder.
End Ronin update.
Enter update of other things.
Okay, January has been a month of change, in a way. While I haven't had a lot of life-changes in a huge manner, I've made some decisions about a lot of things. First of all, as much as I diet and all that, I do it for purely cosmetic reasons. I mean, that sounds pretty shallow, but that's really the bottom line with that.
At the end of December, a friend of the family was diagnosed with Renal Carcinoma. When I found out, at first, I was merely sympathetic. I put on my "it'll be okay" face for my family members who are much closer to her, and did the strong thing for them. But then I started to read this blog that they set up to keep family and friends updated, and I have to tell you that in a big way, it kind of changed my life. I was sitting in my office one day, eating my soup for lunch, and the hubby emailed me and told me that he was doing to do the Seattle Big Climb.
I kind of stared at the email for a bit, thinking "well, better you than me" and at the same time I was looking at this blog for my very sick family friend. And something clicked in me. I thought to myself, why the hell not? I mean, I'm healthy, I'll need to work hard on conditioning, but really, why the hell not??!?!
All I do is make excuses, my knees will hurt, it will be so hard, I'll never make it. But the bottom line is that no matter what happens or how much my knees hurt it will never be ANYTHING compared to what SHE is going through, and it will be nothing like what so many people who battle cancer every single day go through. NEVER.
So right then and there, I decided to do it. I kind of freaked out, but after I calmed down a little bit, that decision, which was sparked by that blog, began a cascade effect of changes that I've made. Nothing monumental, just taking a lot better care of myself, and to say yes more to people, to open my heart up to people more, and to involve myself with people socially more regularly again. To keep in touch more, and to reach out to people.
The other thing that it really jogged into action was that I've started an Art group, which I'm really excited about. I'll have to tell you more about that later... :-) But yeah, this year for me is about celebration, facing things, getting active, and really embracing my life.
It's also the year of open discussions about really hard things... like having kids.... but let me tell you faithful listeners/readers. The talking has been happening on a regular basis. And each one is scary. EVERY SINGLE ONE. But they are occuring, and honestly, they all seem really good. We're admitting our fears, we're talking about how certain things will work, we're starting research, and mentally making the start. That's really important, I think.
At least to me it is...
Sadly, my friend died on February 5th. She was diagnosed on 12/28/09, she died on 2/5/10. It was an unbelievably quick battle, that's the part that's hard for me to wrap my head around. If I were feeling depressed, I think it would be easy for me to say something glib like "well look at that, what's the point in it all?"... but I honestly don't feel that way in any way, shape or form. Her legacy for me is to bring more light into our lives, to bring more love into our lives and to embrace life as much as we possibly can.
That's what this year is about.
1) Holidays, good, very nice in fact.
2) Life, also good, busy like everyone else, but exciting
3) Cats, hanging in there.
So, I'll start with #3, because there was a very nice request for an update.
Ronin has given us a real interesting time of it. We took him in to the doctor in December and the doctor happily proclaimed that Ronin seemed to have stablized. We danced, we sang, we held him over our heads like baby Simba in the Lion King.
Enter January. Let's see, first we had a little bulging. Not good, I called, they said that it was probably nothing, but to keep an eye on it. The following week, I noticed a serious amount of discharge from the bad eye. It was bad-looking, brown, and copious. I called in an absolute panic to the kitty eye-doctor and paged the doctor at about 1 in the morning. He told us to bring him in first thing in the morning, and we would leave him all day because the doctor had no openings, so he'd squeeze Ronin in, in-between appointments. Pricetag=oof. All told, after the day they basically said that the discharge was nothing, however... there's always a but...
They told us essentially that his eye had lost almost all of his sight. The bulge the week before was probably what did it. They told us that even a spike of a COUPLE OF HOURS could do it at this point. It's just the way it goes. And that's how it went.
He said that we'd go another month, and we'd see at that point what the deal is. For Ronin, he's not really all that old, he's 11, he could have several good years left, so it's a matter of making sure that he's not in pain. And what I've noticed now is that I really can tell when he's feeling it. He gets really mopey, wheras generally he's pretty in our faces. If he's not, then I know that he's feeling some pain. I think the worst thing about it is that it has been described to us as being TERRIBLY painful, so just knowing that makes it just that much harder.
End Ronin update.
Enter update of other things.
Okay, January has been a month of change, in a way. While I haven't had a lot of life-changes in a huge manner, I've made some decisions about a lot of things. First of all, as much as I diet and all that, I do it for purely cosmetic reasons. I mean, that sounds pretty shallow, but that's really the bottom line with that.
At the end of December, a friend of the family was diagnosed with Renal Carcinoma. When I found out, at first, I was merely sympathetic. I put on my "it'll be okay" face for my family members who are much closer to her, and did the strong thing for them. But then I started to read this blog that they set up to keep family and friends updated, and I have to tell you that in a big way, it kind of changed my life. I was sitting in my office one day, eating my soup for lunch, and the hubby emailed me and told me that he was doing to do the Seattle Big Climb.
I kind of stared at the email for a bit, thinking "well, better you than me" and at the same time I was looking at this blog for my very sick family friend. And something clicked in me. I thought to myself, why the hell not? I mean, I'm healthy, I'll need to work hard on conditioning, but really, why the hell not??!?!
All I do is make excuses, my knees will hurt, it will be so hard, I'll never make it. But the bottom line is that no matter what happens or how much my knees hurt it will never be ANYTHING compared to what SHE is going through, and it will be nothing like what so many people who battle cancer every single day go through. NEVER.
So right then and there, I decided to do it. I kind of freaked out, but after I calmed down a little bit, that decision, which was sparked by that blog, began a cascade effect of changes that I've made. Nothing monumental, just taking a lot better care of myself, and to say yes more to people, to open my heart up to people more, and to involve myself with people socially more regularly again. To keep in touch more, and to reach out to people.
The other thing that it really jogged into action was that I've started an Art group, which I'm really excited about. I'll have to tell you more about that later... :-) But yeah, this year for me is about celebration, facing things, getting active, and really embracing my life.
It's also the year of open discussions about really hard things... like having kids.... but let me tell you faithful listeners/readers. The talking has been happening on a regular basis. And each one is scary. EVERY SINGLE ONE. But they are occuring, and honestly, they all seem really good. We're admitting our fears, we're talking about how certain things will work, we're starting research, and mentally making the start. That's really important, I think.
At least to me it is...
Sadly, my friend died on February 5th. She was diagnosed on 12/28/09, she died on 2/5/10. It was an unbelievably quick battle, that's the part that's hard for me to wrap my head around. If I were feeling depressed, I think it would be easy for me to say something glib like "well look at that, what's the point in it all?"... but I honestly don't feel that way in any way, shape or form. Her legacy for me is to bring more light into our lives, to bring more love into our lives and to embrace life as much as we possibly can.
That's what this year is about.
4 Comments:
I'm so sorry about your friend... and Ronin.
And yes, kids are scary. But really neat too. :)
Thim.
My heart sank to hear about your friend ;( And I sure hope Ronin recovers, such a handsome cat in his black tuxedo.
I think you guys will be outstanding parents. Oh what talented, creative and imaginative offspring you'll produce!
great post your writing is really professional
do not miss my post
http://amrushow.blogspot.com/2010/08/top-ten-unexplained-phenomena.html
Howdy. Just cruising a bit, and checking on old friends. How are you? Are you posting anywhere else these days? Hope all is well!
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