The Grass Is Always Greener...

You know, sometimes you really do wake up and it's a better day. It's sunny, 70 degrees out, hardly any humidity. I have a belly full of blueberry pancakes, a napping son and husband, and I even got a little work done this morning.

It is a better day today.

Last night, my mood was downright black. For the first time, I genuinely would have loved to have had a babysitter on hand so the Hubby could maybe do some adult things. In a way, I'm surprised that it has taken me this long to yearn for a babysitter.

But all I wanted was to watch TV, to eat some food, to watch a movie.

Yes, yes...I know all of the parents out there are just throwing back their heads and laughing maniacally at my "first time feeling this way" blog post, so ready to toss out a hearty "YOU WILL FEEL THAT WAY FOREVER, IT'S HYSTERICAL THAT YOU EVEN **THINK** ABOUT WATCHING TELEVISION!!!"... ready to toss that on my pile of guilty feelings that I'm vaguely harboring for being ready to pawn Monkey off on the nearest transient that might stumble our way. And by transient, I mean grandparent or other responsible adult. Or stray dog. Not sure yet.

KIDDING...

Last night though, my mood was decidedly foul. I was feeling tired, frustrated with work, frustrated at just having to be back at work, and frankly jealous towards anyone who might be able to stay home all the time with their kiddo.

This week was my first week back at work. It was long and tiring, and though I have a nice telecommuting arrangement two days a week (yes, I am genuinely happy about that, and yes, I do realize that I'm lucky to even have that option), by Friday, by last night, I was just feeling "done." I felt drained.

Let's face it, I'm not used to dancing like this. I'm not used to dancing at my job all day, and then dancing at home with the baby. Dancing being a figurative term, you could use the term juggling or the concept of keeping the balls in the air applies too.

By the end of the week, I felt really ground down. Then, as if I didn't need any more reason to be cranky, I saw that one of my friends is going full-time stay at home Mom.

I couldn't even be happy for her in that moment. I was simply pissed. Pissed that I don't have that. Pissed that I don't have a lower mortgage. Pissed that I don't have a big yard. Pissed that I have to listen to the asshole with the crotch rocket whiz down our street several times a day. Pissed that the city replaced the street lamp outside our house with a lamp that I frankly don't like the color of. Pissed that my cat wont listen to me when I say "no". Pissed that I still can't fit into my regular clothes. Pissed that I am not independently wealthy. Pissed that my feet are still a little swollen from the pregnancy. Pissed pretty much just at the world and everything in it.

So what changed this morning? Did I win the lottery? No. Does Oliver suddenly listen when I scold him? No. Do my clothes magically fit today? No.

I slept. The hubby slept. We all had a decent night's sleep.

And the world seems better today, and the grass doesn't seem quite so green everywhere else but here. In fact, the grass looks pretty green right here right now.

And that's worth smiling over.